By Marta Daniels of How To Be A Better Restaurant Customer - Reprinted with permission.

If you order a cocktail with no ice because you don’t want your drink watered down, I get it.  That’s smart.  If you order your drink with no ice because you don’t like drinking cold beverages, I get that too.  But if you order your liquor with no ice (ie. straight up) that’s a shot! You’re not going to receive a glass full of liquor.

People do the same thing with long island iced teas and margaritas.  “Oh, hold the ice,” they’ll say.  Then when I bring them a cocktail in a smaller glass than the margarita with ice, they say, “Oh no, I want the other one, the big glass!” So we bring them a margarita goblet 2/3 full and they say “Where’s the rest?” To which I reply “The rest would be ice!” You can’t cheat the system and get another half a drink worth of liquor by asking for no ice because, well, we’re not stupid, and my restaurant would actually like to make money.

The same applies if you order a salad with light lettuce and no onions.  That’s perfectly acceptable if you don’t like onions and a whole lot of lettuce.  But don’t expect me to bring you a bowl of cheese, tomatoes and homemade croutons either.  There are specifications for the amount of each item the salad guy puts in our salads.  He may toss in a little extra to compensate for the lack of overall volume in the bowl, especially if you ask for extra cheese and croutons.  But let me reiterate, you’re not going to get a bowl of cheese.  Period.  You really don’t need all that cheese anyways, do you?

People, stop trying to cheat the system with clever little “Hold the this and light that” requests.  Of course you could get a whole fifth of Jack for $15 or $20 and we’re charging you $5.75 a shot.  I also know you could make our house salad at home for about 83 cents and we’re charging $2.75.  But we are neither a liquor store, nor are we a grocery store.  You’re paying for the ambiance, the service, all that jazz.  That’s how restaurants make money!