From chicagotribune.com by Ed Perkins, Tribune Media Services

The latest hidden mandatory add-on is a “health” charge added to restaurant bills. This scam cropped up first in San Francisco, but you can count on it to spread.

Nothing succeeds in the travel industry like a bad idea. The latest hidden mandatory add-on is a “health” charge added to restaurant bills. As far as I know, this scam cropped up first in San Francisco, but you can count on it to spread.

The rationale for this one is to cover the employers’ mandatory contribution to the City’s “Healthy San Francisco” health-coverage system. The charge actually is levied on employers, but at least some restaurants are adding a few dollars or percentage points to each customer’s bill to cover this charge.

The restaurants’ excuse for assessing this charge separately is to let customers know how much they’re paying for employees’ health coverage. That’s the same excuse hotels use when they add “resort” or “housekeeping” fees to unsuspecting guests’ room bills. It’s the same excuse airlines would use to exclude fuel surcharges from their advertised fares if the Department of Transportation would allow them. And it’s sheer nonsense. Employees’ health insurance is no less of a cost of doing business than rent, property taxes, food costs, security services and all the other inputs businesses require to operate. To single out health care for a separate surcharge is unwarranted.

The restaurants adding this fee self-righteously proclaim, “It’s not hidden; we print a notice on our menus.” But that, too, is nonsense: Presumably, restaurants could apply that same rationale for extra fees to cover the cost of electricity, heat or linen service. I haven’t seen any reports yet that San Francisco hotels are adding a similar charge. But hotels aren’t shy about piling on other fees and charges.

So far, I haven’t heard of “health” fees anywhere other than San Francisco. But, as noted, bad ideas travel fast, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see it copied in one form or another by restaurants in other areas.

What can you do to avoid this fee? Presumably, not many of you would feel strongly enough about this minor scam to get up and walk out of a restaurant the minute you saw a notice about such a fee. And you probably wouldn’t feel like making a fuss when you’re paying your bill, either. But when you leave, you can certainly let the restaurant know that you resent this deception and that you won’t be returning.

I’ve noted before — and you have undoubtedly found out firsthand — that hidden mandatory fees have become a bane of travelers and of consumers generally. The reason seems clear: As more and more of you use the Internet to compare prices, suppliers find it increasingly important to make their first-screen prices look as low as possible. As a result, they’ve taken to carving out part of what should be the true base price and instead adding it in only later — sometimes before you buy, sometimes not until later.

Currently, mandatory extra hotel fees are far more troublesome than restaurant fees. Trip-Advisor (tripadvisor.com) posts more than 72,000 traveler reports of unexpected hotel fees of various types. Although some of those reports obviously cover the same hotels, the number of hotels resorting to this deception has got to be in the thousands.

Normally I write about practical information travelers can use, and I avoid taking “there oughta be a law” soapbox positions. But it seems to me that hidden mandatory fees are becoming prevalent enough to warrant some sort of government action. The Federal Trade Commission has the authority to police deceptive advertising, but it moves at a glacially slow pace and even then gives wide latitude to miscreants. What consumers need is some sort of overall national “buyability” standard for advertised prices, along with robust enforcement authority. Certainly, such a requirement is workable; it works pretty well right now for airfares.

Copyright © 2010, Tribune Media Services

From the “Best of Craigslist” Date: 2004-01-13, 2:13PM PST

Welcome to your neighborhood nudie bar! Come in, have a seat, check out all the pretty girls. Oh, look! Here comes one now. But why is she fully clothed? I’ll tell you: because she’s me, your nudie bar waitress–here to tell you about our two drink minimum’

‘Two drinks!’ you scream, ‘they didn’t tell us at the door!’

Let me explain, idiot:
They don’t tell you that at the door because they don’t want to scare you cheap bastards off. See, you come in, you see a naked dancing lady, chances are, even the cheap mofo’s want to stay. You’ll probably be too distracted by the live pussy to notice the signs on all the tables that say, ‘two drink minimum.’ So I’ve been hired at minimum wage to inform you.

I don’t tell you this. Instead, I smile, and in the sweetest, bubbliest voice minimum wage can buy, I say,
‘It’s not the doorman’s job to tell you about the two drink minimum, it’s MY job!’
I hold a little sign with all the drinks and prices on it in front of you and ask kindly, ‘What would you like?’

You ignore the sign and say, ‘I’ll have a Budweiser.’

This is where I change my tone to sad and empathetic.
‘We don’t serve alcohol,’ I explain, ‘It’s illegal in San Diego to have full nudity and alcohol.’
I feel you. I understand. You make me want to drink.
Other times, I think, good try, little under-21 punk. You only got in because it’s an 18 and up club.

You finally look at the sign I’ve patiently held in front of your face. This is where you exclaim loudly, ‘$4.25 for a COKE?!!’

Inwardly, I sigh. Outwardly, I correct,
‘$8.50. You have to buy two.’
I sense your confusion, (not too good at math, eh?) so I explain again,
‘It’s a TWO drink minimum.’

You’re speechless.

Let me explain: In America, when you have a business, you want it to make money. Say you have a nudie bar in a city/state where it’s illegal to have full nudity and booze under the same roof. Where the heck are you going to make your money? You gotta sell something. So you sell cokes and juices for $4.25. And you make it a two-drink minimum.

Now you’re really upset.
’8.50 for two cokes? I’m not paying $8.50 for two cokes!’

Here’s a reality check, idiot: First of all, I’m talking to you. I doubt women talk to you much, unless, like me, they’re in the service industry. That’s gotta be worth something. Secondly, have you been to the movies lately? They’re like $9, and you don’t even get cokes. What’s more, you have to leave after an hour and 50 minutes. In a strip club, the entertainment is live. Nudity, right in front of you, and you can stay longer than an hour and fifty minutes. Plus you get two nonalcoholic drinks. For a mere $8.50. It’s really a super bargain. So get off my ass. I didn’t set the prices.

The more I think about this, the more it bugs me. You aren’t paying $8.50 for cokes; you are paying $8.50 for the privilege of having many women take their clothes off and dance before you. Ask some random non-crack head woman outside to take her clothes off and dance for you for $8.50. See what happens. You might get slapped, you might get the police called on you. Now, with that same $8.50, you go try to get 15 women to do it. It ain’t gonna happen, buddy. So buy the drinks and realize it’s a bargain.

But I don’t balk at your resistance to the $8.50. Instead, I make a cute little flirty face and purr, ‘It’s really worth it” (I’m a real fucking bargain at minimum wage, I tell you.)

Now what gets me is the sheer percentage of you who will—after all this—say,
‘Nah, I’m good. I don’t want anything.’

You look past me, at the naked dancing lady, verbally and non verbally telling me, ‘go away ”

I try to put it in even simpler terms. I say,
‘It’s a two drink MINIMUM. You HAVE to buy two drinks to be in here.’
Then pause, dumb it down more:
‘You HAVE TO BUY TWO DRINKS.’

You don’t want to tear your eyes away from the bent over ass a few yards in front of you. I know, it’s a joy to watch a pretty naked girl bent over slapping her own ass. But somewhere in your pea brain, it registers that you cannot fully enjoy the ass until you get the persistent waitress to leave.
‘Okay, okay,’ you grumble.
‘What would you like?’ I ask, slightly relieved. My smile is warmer.
You look back at the sign. On it, an assortment of non-alcoholic beverages. Coke, diet coke, Sprite. Orange juice. Cranberry juice. Etcetera.

You start reading it. Slowly.
Yessssssss, your waitress has allllllllllllllllll dayyyyyyyyyy…

After an eternity, you decide.

‘I’ll have coke.’
I turn to your friend, whose been standing next to you the entire time.
‘What would you like?’
‘Uh, nothing. I’m not thirsty.’

Part Two: I Bring the Drinks

‘Are you guys paying separately or together?’
‘Separate.’
‘That’ll be eight fifty,’ I say.
You see two cokes in front of you. You complain,
‘Ahh, you bring ‘em two at a time?’
‘Yes, you idiot. Like I would trust you to buy one now and one later?’
Actually I only say, ‘Yes. ‘

You hand me a twenty.
I make change, giving you eleven one-dollar bills and two quarters.
Why so many ones?
A. Because it’s a strip club! I’m hoping that once you see a big pile of ones, you’ll realize what they’re for, and give me one.
B. I know if I don’t give you a bunch of dollar bills now, you will be asking for them later when the stripper whose ass you’ve been staring at hits you up for money”’ And lastly,
C. Since you’re probably not going to tip me well on the drinks, you for sure aren’t going to tip me for a second trip if I have to bring you change later. I unload all my ones on you now to save myself the trouble.

But I do make it slightly inconvenient. I have learned not to hand you your change, which you will pocket. If I put your change on my tray, you have to pick it up. I’m counting on you being too lazy to pick up the quarters. That way, I’ll get at least fifty cents, (yeah, it’s pathetic what I gotta do for fifty cents). Fifty cents is more of an insult than a tip, but because I make so little, I figure it’s better than nothing.

So you pick up the bills. You look at the two quarters on my tray, decide it’s not worth it, and leave them. You didn’t tip me; you were just too lazy to pick up the quarters. You don’t say thank you. Neither do I.

I turn to your friend.
‘$8.50,’ I say.
He’s rifling thru his pockets. He’s scrounged up a five-dollar bill and three wadded ones. He drops them on my tray.
‘It’s $8.50,’ I say. ‘You’re short fifty cents.’
He looks at you.
‘You got fifty cent?’
You remember that fifty cents and nod at my tray. It’s already there. For a $17 order, I get nothing. And because I value/need my job, I don’t say anything.

Here’s a little rule: When you buy a drink, never tip less than a dollar. I live so far under the poverty level that I have to go to bars with $2 drink nights. I still tip a buck a drink.

If you ask your strip club waitress to go get someone because you want a lap dance, give me a dollar for my trouble. If you didn’t tip me for drinks, and don’t intend to tip me to go get her, get off your ass and get her yourself.

Lastly, don’t come in with a bunch of guys, have a big order, not tip me, then ask me to change $40 into ones to tip the dancers with.

I’m not making a living wage. My paychecks do not even cover my share of rent. And guess what? In the tipping/service industry, the government assumes we are getting tipped, and taxes us accordingly. I lose money when you don’t tip. It costs me money out of my paycheck!

My favorite: I wish you were out there reading this, but I’m assuming you’re retarded and illiterate. You came in. You bought two drinks. You asked for all ones for change. You gave me nothing, explaining, ‘I need these for tips.’

Let me explain something: You’re telling me that the naked ladies are more important for you to tip than your server. Well guess what? Some of those naked ladies (deservedly) make over $500 per night. Your dollar, little man, doesn’t mean shit to her. You will only mean something to her if you get her in a private booth and let her do a string of lap dances for you at $15 a pop. Ten dances, she’ll remember you and smile at you next time you come in.

I’ve seen strippers pick up dollars time and time again and not say ‘Thank you.’ I will always say thank you for a dollar. That dollar will mean a lot more to your waitress.
I can’t believe you, saying, ‘I need these for tips.’ Then not tipping me, your server.

I hope all that jacking off gives you carpal tunnel.

Ask Tip20!

Question: Hello, when visiting an establishment in the US which automatically adds a 20% tip to your bill, are you obligated to pay the tip portion of the bill? I’m asking this after visiting such an establishment where the service was absolutely deplorable and under normal circumstances, I would have left a very small tip if any at all. Granted that there are people who do not tip appropriately with any level of service although this does not constitute the majority by any means. Thank you in advance for any information you can provide regarding this “mandatory tip”.

~ Paul

Tip20!: In the U.S. (and  everywhere else that we know of) there are no laws requiring you to tip. Many restaurants do have an automatic gratuity that is added to a bill if the party is larger because it protects the server from being under tipped with the assumption that the server has done a good job..

If you have experienced terrible service then you should not feel obligated to leave that “required” amount, but you should have a discussion with the management explaining why you feel the service was under par. Under most normal circumstances the manager would wave the gratuity obligation and have a “teachable moment” with the sever(s).