From Purple Slinky, by Jo Oliver
Re-printed without permission
These are sure fire ways to decrease or lose a tip.
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Correct sequence when serving courses. Drinks……appetizer……salads…..main course……dessert. Don’t bring me an appetizer and salad at the same time. Who wants their appetizer to get cold while they eat their salad or salad to get hot while they eat their appetizer? I don’t! I especially don’t want my salad, appetizer and main course all served at the same time or within 3 minutes of each other. - Proper etiquette, not to mention common sense, dictates that when someone is finished eating a dish they will move the plate to the side. If a plate is still in front of me, then don’t ask if you can take it. Not all of us inhale our food. Some of us enjoy savoring our food, chewing it up, and periodically pausing for conversation, etc.
- If someone raises a finger, hand, or arm at you, that means they need your attention. It is not a wave goodbye or friendly gesture. So, don’t wave back, just come see what I need.
- When serving dishes and drinks, don’t put your fingers inside my glass or plate. When I see a waitress pick up all four glasses at the table and carry them with her fingers inside the glass my yuck meter goes haywire. Not only is that spreading germs and completely not acceptable, but how in the world are you going to keep up with whose glass goes where if everyone is drinking the same thing?
- Don’t ask me if I want dessert when I am not even half way through my meal. How do I know if I want dessert if I am still not sure how much of my meal I am going to eat. I may be too full for dessert. Wait until someone asks for a to go box, pushes their plate to side ( remember this signals someone is finished eating,) or asks for a dessert menu.
- If you see my glass is empty and I am engaged in conversation, please don’t interrupt me to ask: “Do you want some more drink?” Just fill up the glass.
- For some reason most servers fit into one of two categories. Either they come by every 2 minutes and ask if everything is good, refill, etc. OR they set your entrée down and you never see them until the bill comes. It is so easy to make yourself seen and accessible, without worrying someone to death.
- Don’t clean the windows or sweep the carpet next to my table while I am eating. I once had a waitress who sprayed Windex all over the window that was literally two feet from my table. The spray went all over my food and arm. Who wants to eat that? I also don’t want to eat dust from the floor being swept around me.
- I really can not stand to see a server clean a table, which includes taking their hand and raking crumbs etc.. up, and then come directly over to my table with the germs from the other table. Wash your hands! I don’t want someone else’s half ate crumbs stuck to my glass that you are about to pick up and refill.
- You put the bill on the table and you see me digging through my purse for correct change, don’t come stand over me. My purse and wallet are none of your business. When the bill is ready for your attention it will be pushed to the side of the table or handed to you.
- Once you get the bill, don’t ask if I need change. Just go pay the bill. If I do get change, then bring it to me. This is my biggest pet peeve and I can not tell you how many times I was going to leave my server 20-30% tip, but instead answered: “No, I don’t need change anymore” and the server only got the dollar or two left over from the bill.
July 31st, 2010 | 
About point 2: In the USA, don’t you put your knife and fork like shown in http://www.crazywaiter.com/ready-or-not/ to indicate you’re finished or not ?
I would not want to wait on this author, since for her all wait staff are either too interrupting or too negligent. People like this are a self absorbed lose-lose situation…
I had many LOLZ reading this. I think it’s mostly because the author sounds exactly like the type of person I love to laugh at while waiting on them. It doesn’t sound like she goes out to eat to enjoy herself but instead to find stupid things to complain about. I can tell just by reading this that even if you meet all her service standards that she will still tip you in change. She probably also orders water with a side of lemons and sugar and makes her own lemonade – even when your restaurant sells made-from-scratch lemonade.
Let me address this article point by point:
1. Correct sequencing of your meal is important. How your meal is sequenced depends on what type of establishment you are dining in. Don’t expect fine dining standards in a casual dining restaurant. The kitchen isn’t designed for it and the staff is not trained properly. In general, casual dining places aren’t designed for you to make love to your food but to eat your meal and be on your way.
2. Moving your plate to the side is NOT proper etiquette. Please read CrazyWaiter’s blog post on how to place your silverware on your plate to indicate that you are finished eating. The fact that the author thinks their method is proper etiquette and the ONLY acceptable etiquette is naive at best. BTW it’s also not technically acceptable to wad up your napkin and place it on your plate when you are finished either. You should partly fold it and place it to the left of your plate. In casual dining we ignore people’s lack of proper dining etiquette and allow them to crumple up their napkins, place them on their plates, and push their plates to the edge of the table but this DOES NOT make it proper.
3. If you are raising your finger or waving at your server while they are at another table then you can fully expect to be ignored. Other instances where it is permissible for a server to ignore you:
- You begin flagging them down before your ass hits the chair
- They just left your table 4 seconds earlier
- They have made multiple trips to your table and you keep asking for condiments one at a time, thus putting them in the weeds
- You have been unpleasant or rude.
- They have written you off as a lost cause based on the ridiculous number of complaints and special requests you have made. Waiting on you further would require them to neglect the rest of their section, which contains guests who haven’t been rude, short, or demanding and have the decency to treat them like a server instead of a servant.
4. I completely agree, a server should NEVER handle glassware by the top. That is not only gross but a health code violation.
5. Where is the author eating at, where they offer dessert half way through the meal? I love the fact that pushing your plate to the side is reiterated as the only acceptable form of indicating you are finished eating – especially since it is done so in quite a condescending manner.
6. FYI you are in a restaurant… NOT a business meeting. Refills should be automatic but if you are drinking a non-refillable beverage pause your conversation when your server approaches the table long enough to acknowledge their existence and to tell them when you would like another beer/wine/nonrefillable beverage. It’s rude to just keep talking as if they don’t exist.
7. For some reason, guests fit into two categories: easy to please or nothing in the fucking world will make this asshole happy. The first category are pretty easy going and realize they are having a meal and NOT the last supper. The second one will find multiple things to complain about, insist the problem is the establishment and not themselves, and sit through their entire meal being miserable bastards.
8. A server should never disrupt a guest’s meal by sweeping/mopping/vacuuming/polishing/cleaning near them. A guest should NEVER remain past close and force a server to do so. When a restaurant closes, leave. Don’t linger over coffee like this is your Aunt Tina’s house. Get the hell out.
9. It’s a health code violation for a server to use the same glass for refills. A server should always bring refills in a new glass. I hope I haven’t given the author something new to complain about.
10. A server should never ask if a guest wants change. Instead, tell the guest that you will return with their change. If the guest does not require change then THE GUEST should save the server some time and tell them that no change is required. Your server is not a mind-reader.
Wow. This person sounds like quite the asshole customer. If I was you, I’d expect larger amounts of saliva spat into your soup, my dear. Please watch “Waiting.”
“Correct sequence when serving courses. Drinks……appetizer……salads…..main course……dessert. Don’t bring me an appetizer and salad at the same time. Who wants their appetizer to get cold while they eat their salad or salad to get hot while they eat their appetizer? I don’t! I especially don’t want my salad, appetizer and main course all served at the same time or within 3 minutes of each other.”
Sorry, at times I 100% disagree with you.
I have at Macaroni Grill gotten my side salad before me and my husband’s appetizer, ate it even. Aren’t you hungry that you would rather get your side salad quicker if you could? Some restaurants do it differently such as Outback.
Honestly, the servers should be asking what sequence a side salad is wanted and when an appetizer is wanted.
At times, my husband wanted an appetizer, NOT ME, and I wanted a side salad. I would have rathered it before the appetizer or at least with, but NOT AFTER. Why would I think something that needs no cooking would take longer than a bloomin onion? For real, I don’t get that?
Why at Macaroni Grill they served me my side salad first when I NEVER ONCE told my waiter I wanted it like that? Obviously, it’s not the sequence you are talking about that happens all the time.
So basically what I am saying is, if your server isn’t asking you when you want a side salad/soup when an appetizer is ordered(WHICH THEY SHOULD HONESTLY), maybe you should tell them when you want stuff, for real. This way, if you don’t want your side salad first, you won’t get it first if you went to Macaroni Grill for example. When I go to Outback, I can tell my server to bring the side salad BEFORE the appetizer and that way, I get it when I PERSONALLY WANT!! Not EVERYONE WANTS THE SAME SEQUENCES ALL THE TIME! We have switched up many of times on this type of situation such as getting 2 appetizers and entrées, yet, once a stupid waiter assumed I wanted mine with my meal even though the MENU stated it was an appetizer and I NEVER, EVER ONCE said that I wanted it with my meal.
Everyone feel differently about this and not everyone shares appetizers all the time. We share them most of the time, but not all the time.
The appetizer isn’t going to get cold if the appetizer isn’t to be shared if they are both brought out at the same time, is it? You act like all customers have to share appetizers, when one person could just take the leftovers home. We have ordered 2 appetizers before and 2 entrées before. Now I can see both of those being served together or both side salads/soups, just because those are the same type of items.
You don’t see how some customers may be so hungry they want their side salads FIRST? I do, my husband does, and my parents do. While we all don’t agree on every subject, we all are HUNGRY and want our stuff as FAST as possible without having courses run into each other. Now, as I said before, if I don’t want my husband’s appetizer, I don’t mind having my side salad out with the appetizer or before, but I do mind waiting to eat it after. I had no idea I had to ask this of the server at Outback, because the time before at Macaroni Grill I didn’t have to do that.
Just something to think about that if the sequence is so important to you, maybe YOU should SPEAK UP ABOUT *WHEN* you want things so you can be happy.
Continued next post:
“Don’t ask me if I want dessert when I am not even half way through my meal. How do I know if I want dessert if I am still not sure how much of my meal I am going to eat. I may be too full for dessert.”
This one I 100 MILLION PERCENT AGREE WITH YOU. How will I know I want dessert is EXACTLY RIGHT!!
“If you see my glass is empty and I am engaged in conversation, please don’t interrupt me to ask: “Do you want some more drink?” Just fill up the glass.”
No, I 100% disagree with you on this one. You should have asked your server to give you refills without asking when you originally ordered your first drink when greeted. The server could also ask you if you want that type of service, but don’t depend on them, depend on YOURSELF TO ORDER YOUR OWN AUTOMATIC REFILLS!!
I change up drinks or decide at times I don’t want a refill even, so why would you expect your server to ORDER for you if you didn’t give them PERMISSION TO if the customer may want something else? Why risks wasting time like that, huh?
I have sent servers back before, because I didn’t want a refill of the same drink.
Why do you want a MIND-READER in your service, huh? Someone has to communicate somehow for them to know if you want something. This is common sense. They shouldn’t just guess. It’s not up to your server, it’s up to ONLY YOU!!
“Don’t clean the windows or sweep the carpet next to my table while I am eating. I once had a waitress who sprayed Windex all over the window that was literally two feet from my table. The spray went all over my food and arm. Who wants to eat that? I also don’t want to eat dust from the floor being swept around me.”
I fully 100% agree with you on this one. I can’t stand that.
“I really can not stand to see a server clean a table, which includes taking their hand and raking crumbs etc.. up, and then come directly over to my table with the germs from the other table. Wash your hands! I don’t want someone else’s half ate crumbs stuck to my glass that you are about to pick up and refill.”
I fully disagree with you. It would take too much time to do that for every table and it would make the server have OCD with washing their hands making them raw.
You are crazy if you think they are going to have time to do that for every single time they grab dirty dishes.
If anything, I agree with Waiting that said to give a new glass each time. They refill you with the same glass, you have no drink to drink with for a while or they are at your table longer refilling your glass when they don’t have to be such as tea or water.
I agree fully with #10 and #11, basically don’t hover around while I pay and also don’t ask for change, just get it.
Did it ever occur to you that your server doesn’t necessarily carry around change for every single customer? We are not banks and do not print our own money. You should NEVER penalize a server who has done a good job for you simply because they ask you if you want change. I would probably wish to never see you again if you ever left me a dollar or two.
Lauren
“Did it ever occur to you that your server doesn’t necessarily carry around change for every single customer?”
That’s why you go to the BAR to get the change you lazy ass bitch!!
“We are not banks and do not print our own money.”
It’s *YOUR JOB* to get the change, you LAZY ASS BITCH!! EARN YOUR TIP, IT’S NOT A RIGHT!!
“You should NEVER penalize a server who has done a good job for you simply because they ask you if you want change.”
Just by asking, that’s not doing a “GOOD” job anymore. That’s showing their LAZINESS at work. Trying to get out of doing more trips instead of EARNING their pay as it is their JOB to do!!
QUIT BEING SO DAMN LAZY AND JUST GET THE CHANGE NO MATTER WHAT, UNLESS THEY TELL YOU SPECIFICALLY TO KEEP IT OR THEY GIVE IT TO YOU OR THEY LEAVE!!
“I would probably wish to never see you again if you ever left me a dollar or two.”
You would DESERVE it for being so DAMN FUCKING ASS LAZY!! Part of YOUR JOB is to get change, do you realize that you LAZY ASS UNCARING BITCH?
Springs…
You have a serious anger problem. What the fuck gives you the right to call me a bitch? I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume you have never waited tables. I ask people if they’d like change as a courtesy, not because I’m lazy. It can take 10 min or more for a bartender to make change on a busy night. Servers earn tips throughout the course of your entire meal, not simply on one small detail. You are an ignorant bitch if you seriously leave a dollar or two because of one question when the rest of your experience went perfectly. And those who do not need change will not necessarily inform their server. So go fuck yourself and the horse you rode in on. Oh, and have a nice day!
Lauren
“What the fuck gives you the right to call me a bitch?”
The fact that you say things like this:
1. “We are not banks and do not print our own money.”
That sounds VERY LAZY AND UNCARING!
“It can take 10 min or more for a bartender to make change on a busy night.”
Why are you depending on your bartender instead of bringing some change yourself possibly in your purse even or at least some on you?
“I ask people if they’d like change as a courtesy, not because I’m lazy.”
If they don’t want their change, they will tell you. If they leave it all there for you, it’s because you did your FULL and COMPLETE job of getting the change. It wouldn’t be taking that long if you’d be a RESPONSIBLE server by BRING YOUR OWN CHANGE in your purse to work with you.
“Servers earn tips throughout the course of your entire meal, not simply on one small detail.”
No, the server can get their tip slashed just through one small detail, you are wrong about that.
Customers can tip how they please.
“You are an ignorant bitch if you seriously leave a dollar or two because of one question when the rest of your experience went perfectly.”
It’s supposed to be ALL perfect, not just the rest of the service. We have been overcharged and stiffed due to the server not apologizing. The bill has to be right too, not just the food and drinks. We have also stiffed before waiting 10 minutes just to get our check rung up.
One thing can mess up the entire tip and it should. WHY do you think only your money matters, huh?
“And those who do not need change will not necessarily inform their server.”
Then those customers should wait for their change, because OBVIOUSLY they aren’t in a hurry if they don’t tell their server they don’t need change, are they? Also, they can just leave and you would have had to make the change anyway for your tip, so the only difference is you went to their table, which you probably would have to anyway to buss some of the table, so I don’t get why you are complaining about this?
“So go fuck yourself and the horse you rode in on.”
Go fuck yourself with your lazy and irresponsible ass by not bringing change on you to begin with. Depending on the bartender is just stupid of you, it really is. BE RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO BRING YOUR OWN CHANGE!! Then you won’t be waiting 10 minutes for the bartender to get some, will you?
I know this post is older but springs you seem like I smart guy/gal so let me fill you in, your comments are one very impolite and incorrect. As a server you strive to provide that serves that merits an acceptable tip which is 15% of the gross sale. Now knowing this most individuals for exceptionable service will leave more as they see fit. In your case I take it your the one that tries to leave as little as possible because your social security has not hit yet and it will break you to leave that 15%. I understand that poor serves means a poor tip is at hand but to do so over a simple comment is unacceptable. I will agree that a cashier will not ask you if you would like your change back because they do not work for change but neither do servers. If your whole goal in going out to it is to make somebodies night shitty keep your day job and stay out of sit in restaurants. They make places for people like you it is called McDonald’s, enjoy it because you do not have to tip and you can sure as hell act like you live under a rock.
Wow. This person sounds like quite the asshole customer. If I was you, I’d expect larger amounts of saliva spat into your soup, my dear. Please watch “Waiting.”
wow springs your are an ignorant person…servers bust their asses …It’s 330 in the morning and I just got off my shift and I worked since 11 am and its not just assholes like you that dont tip its kids too..where I work there are lots of them..if you want grade a service dont go to fridays applebees olive garden red lobster any local diner or any restaurant like that because these waitresses have about 6 tables other than you to deal with on a slow night and if you want to be waited on hand and foot and treated like a child go to like chuck e cheese or something seriously…you are acting immature none of your points have any kind of validity and you obviously have not worked at a restaurant..if you have then congrats you are the perfect server…but I highly doubt you have..actually if you did you would never stiff..because you realize these peope who just served your ignorant ass are working for less than 2 dollars and hour after taxes if you dont tip them..so yeah I agree with the other girl and say dont ever step foot in our restaurants. Because you are just too perfect springs…tooo perfect…and this is from me and all your future waiters/ waitress …thanks you fuckin cheap son of a bitch
Wow you must have never waited tables.
#3 – waiving at a waitress or waiter is completely rude. They make enough trips by your table in their section where you can politely ask for something. Flagging someone down is one of the rudest things you could do to someone! I know its a huge peeve where I work when people do this not just to me but all of the waitstaff. It says ‘I’m too impatient for you to walk by and I see you are doing something else right now but you need to drop everything and come here”. Also most waitresses and waiters are on top of their tables and keep track. When you needs something or would like another drink I guarantee they will be by within 5 mins to take care of it for you.
#4 – At the restaurant I work at once you take a dish or drink to the back you cannot return it out to the dining room. If you are getting a refill that drink is going to be dumped and washed. A new glass is going to be brought out and no ones fingers are going anywhere near the inside of it. So your ‘yuck meter’ is completely irrelevant!
#5 – My restaurant requires us to upsell. If a manager or head server is anywhere around they will be listening to make sure you ask if the table would like desert or coffee towards the end of their meal, its part of the job. If you don’t want any just be polite and say no.
#6 – Its only polite to ask if you want more to drink. Why are you going to make me run back and get a refill on a drink when you probably don’t want one and waste my time. (I’ve gotten refills when people haven’t asked before and it has turned out they haven’t wanted it) I have a trillion other things to do and other people to take care of. I don’t go as far as interrupting but at least I wait until a lull in the conversation to ask.
#8 – Sweeping and cleaning is part of the job. If someone is sweeping or cleaning around you its probably because a manager told them to or they are getting a table ready for the next person to come in. I would never spray cleaner near someone but if you are my last table and I’m about to get out of work its my job to sweep up my section for the next server who comes in. I’m not going to not sweep, its part of my job.
#9 – Again refills get dumped and washed and you get a clean glass every time.
#11 – Asking if someone needs change or a card ran is only polite. Why are you going to make the waitress run back and forth to get you change when you don’t need it? At my job when people need change I need to find a manager, get them to open the register and give me exact change everytime. We have enough to do and its only common courtesy to tell someone what you are doing. You put your blinker on when you are about to make a turn in your car so other cars aren’t always guessing what you are about to do don’t you?
Over half the things you are ‘complaining’ about are common waitstaff behaviors because its part of their jobs. A few things I can understand but then again its only a few. I think you should really review the way you expect waitstaff to behave and probably also review how you are treating them. You are making a lot of peoples jobs a lot harder than they have to be!
#3 – waiving at a waitress or waiter is completely rude. They make enough trips by your table in their section where you can politely ask for something.
It’s not rude, especially since if someone has gotten to the point where they are waving for you, 99% of the time it’s because you haven’t gone to the table, and haven’t done your job properly. I went to a restaurant today where the waiter disappeared and didn’t come back until twenty-five minutes later. We sat there and watched him talk to his co-worker for that entire time across the restaurant, until finally a bus boy came past and I got him to get me another drink. I’ve had a lot of truly horrible waiters, and a lot of fantastic ones, so saying they will definitely go by your table is simply not true of all wait staff.
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